As the 2017 baseball season winds down, I wanted to address my time away from my blog, 'Heels on the Field', and the Minor League Baseball beat.
Many circumstances in 2016 led to my decision to take a step back and also to try new things. While not divulging personal details, something I've never been comfortable with, I did deal with the death of one of the most important people in my life and I also made a move back from Florida to the Philadelphia area, where I'm originally from
There were other professional reasons as well. To put that part of the hiatus mildly, I hit a professional wall and felt humiliated, burnt and devastated. Ok, so, that's not so mild. I began that season excited by a networking/social group for women in basebal that I began with other women in the business. The group grew beyond our private chats after one woman reached out for help when she said she was being harrassed as a reporter. Soon, I began to see the need for the group in a larger way and wanted to help and encourage women in a private space. I also saw it as a way for us to let loose and have some fun, unleash some of that pent up frustration we all had with the business. My entire goal was uplifting and connecting women in baseball.
After a few great months, I was publicly flogged for the title of the group (Pitchslapped), after a few people I didn't know began tweeting about me and to me. The slow humiliation of that took place over a few days. But it was within a few hours that a member of the group whom I invited at her request joined the bullying crowd, attacking me, and proceeded to confront me in a way that I never expected. The group folded completely under that stress, though a move to a different platform had been in the works.
The proudest I'd ever been in my career was creating that group and how the women, including that one, enjoyed and invested in the experience. The lowest moment of my career was when that fell to pieces.
In the midst of all that, I was fired from a job I coveted and cherished, as a MiLB writer for Baseball Prospectus. Many cuts were made, and I was among them. Overall, I was also just exhausted, in need of change after over a decade doing the same thing.
But there was something else I've not discussed, an incident that had impact on me in a way I was afraid to admit. While sexual harrassment in the clubhouse is something I've dealt with many times, something profoundly shifted in me, perhaps because I was already at a crossroads mentally, spiritually and professionally. While I won't go into details now, I wanted to at least say, there was a very big reason why I began to view my career differently.
Finally, I needed to put overwork and tons of travel aside for health reasons. It was time for me to focus my energy on other things, including how I was caring for my body. I'm glad that I reached that point and saw very clearly what I needed to do. While I did some things on the road in the early part of the season, I knew very quickly that I wasn't going to be on the full-speed beat this season. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given to write without doing all of that.
I've focused on a few professional freelance jobs, including with Sporting News, as well as my Yankees prospect-focused column for Pinstriped Prospects. I put quality, paying work ahead of my blog, my baby, 'Heels on the Field: A Minor League Blog' and that's been difficult. When I read some of the archives over the last nine years, I'm amazed at the pace I worked at! I'm also proud of the body of work there and I'm proud I took a break, knowing I couldn't give my very best to it. HOTF is too important to me and my career to not give a full effort. It will remain on hiatus for the remainder of the season, but will return when I feel ready.
I have a lot on my plate. But I've also eliminated the pile-up that was on that plate. I'm comfortable with what I've chosen to devote my energy to right now, including my personal life and health, as well as baseball writing I genuinely enjoy, creating quality work I know I can contribute.
There are many things on the horizon, as well as returning to work I love here & elsewhere, and I'm looking forward to 2018. This has been a different time in my life and career. But my heels are in the closet. They'll be in use, one way or another, in this beautiful baseball and writing world I love in due time.
Thank you to my colleagues who've been supportive and to readers of all my work. I am truly grateful that you have read and continue to read my writing.
Thank you all!
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