After the 2013 season, Travis Shaw just had to get away from baseball.
The first baseman needed a break, to clear the way for a new start. It didn't take long.
Soon, he realized that the Red Sox still had his back. They sent him to Arizona Fall League, where the competition is solid. You're there because the big club has a lot of faith in you. It was there that he dusted off from the fall and found himself again. His fall league success and how he felt restored his confidence further. Winter brought more reassurance, when he was given a big league invite, making him one of eight the Red Sox extended one to.
Shaw not only got all the boost he needed to continue forward, he'd gained something from the experience. He remembered who he was and how to not loose sight of that.
"My approach has always been to hit the ball the other way. My power numbers were down, so I got pull happy," Shaw said Thursday. "I became a very pitchable hitter."
The Sox selected him in the ninth round of the 2011 MLB Draft out of Kent State, assigning him to the Class-A short season New York Penn League. He played in 57 games, hitting .262 with 37 RBI, 8 home runs, 14 doubles, and 35 walks. He split 2012 between the Carolina and Eastern Leagues, with a combined 133 hits, 44 doubles, and 85 RBI in 130 games. He was the Carolina League All-Star Game MVP, and finished the season named an MiLB.com Organizational All Star. He was also ranked eighth on MLB.com's Top 10 First Baseman Prospects list.
To further understand the Red Sox commitment to Shaw, it's important to note that they drafted him twice. Shaw was Boston's 32nd round pick in 2008, but he opted to attend college and not sign.
"I felt I was physically and mentally ready, but I thought if I went to college and did well, I could be drafted in a higher round. I wanted to have another opportunity. And I was fortunate that the Red Sox drafted me again."
While he seemed to cruise successfully through his first two seasons of pro ball, he found himself facing opponents he wasn't quite ready for in his first full season of Double-A competition.
"The pitching is more consistent. They'll do things in 2-0 3-1 counts that you won't see at the lower levels. You know what to look for there."
The difficult experience brought him back to basics, though. He simplified when he headed to Arizona, returning to the fundamentals.
"The early success there helped me remain calm. That helped me relax. It was big for me [for the Red Sox to send me] there. It helped me prove myself. They were still willing to give me plenty of chances to prove that [2013] wasn't who I was."
Shaw call his father, Jeff, a former major league pitcher from 1990-2001, his "mentor", and says that having him in his corner has impact when he's struggling.
"He's been there. So he guides my path to success, because he understands everything I'm going through. If I can mold myself into the kind of player he was, I'll have a lot of success."
With renewed confidence and a chance to show the big club more of what he's made of, he looks ahead to Spring Training with a fire inside.
"My mindset is to make the most of this opportunity. I hope to not go back to Portland. I went to Arizona to get that invite. And now, I want to maybe push [the Red Sox] hand, to give me a chance to at starting the season in Triple-A."
For anyone in the know about these things, Justin Pope not returning to manage the Staten Island Yankees (I was unable to confirm whether he quit or wasn't asked back) was a bit of a surprise.
The impression was that he was being groomed for Trenton Thunder manager Tony Franklin's job, when the longtime Trenton Thunder manager retires (no one would tell you they believe he'll ever be fired). Franklin re-signed with the Thunder for another season, continuing with the club he managed to an Eastern League title in 2013. Whether that was a misconception or not, Pope had coached under Franklin, and filled in for him when he was ill. The job in Staten Island seemed directly connected to that, possibly impressing those in the power seat with his ability to juggle jobs effectively. Not only that, Pope had been in the Yankees organization most of his playing career and all of his coaching career.
He was familiar with the players, many of them whom he'd played with in Trenton. When he was given the job in Staten Island, his connection to the organization also seemed part of what inspired the hiring. His youth (he's now 34) was a question in that regard, but that also seemed to work in his favor managing guys fresh out of college. Entering 2013, Pope said the he'd planned to be "more aggressive". He'd clearly felt motivated to make changes in his approach to the job. There was a noted difference at batting practice. He was more vocal, appearing more confident.
Pope has been replaced by Mario Garza, 31, who played for four season in the Astros organization and has coached in the Yankees system the past few years [First reported by Jim Waggoner on SILive.com]. Going older is clearly not a factor in the hiring.
But it could be that the short-season club has struggled the past two years. In 2012, they finished 30-45, and in 2013 they improved to just 34-41.
After spending four years covering Double-A level, and two covering Class-A short season, I'm convinced there's no more difficult level to coach and manage at than short. Put the majors in at a close second: guys that think they know everything, but have nothing to back it up, and guys that think they know everything, and have experience and millions to back it up. How do you communicate in those situations, with those players? How challenging is it to manage that many egos, unwilling to listen when they should and would benefit from some guidance?
This isn't to suggest that the players on either Staten Island club were a problem. There was never any indication that Pope was struggling to reach them, though at times he mentioned players who were trying to be more than they were, pushing to prove too much, too fast. Whatever the reasoning, the time might just have come for a change in the guard.
Jon Hunton has been a solid closer for the Somerset Patriots, but his impact goes far deeper.
This season, he's been promoted from an assistant position under manager Brett Jodie, to Director of Player Personnel. He'll also continue to be the Atlantic League team's closer.
The North Plainfield, New Jersey native was named the league's Reliever of the Year in 2013, earning 37 saves, a franchise record. He ended the season 3-6 with 34 strikeouts in 57 innings.
Every player knows the day will come when he has to decide what to do with all that energy and time, once their playing days are over. Hunton is well aware of his own career sunset on the horizon. He gets it. But he already has a jump on that day. He's put his efforts into career growth, learning the other side of the game.
With 2014, he expands that experience.
In his own words, here's Hunton:
In The Beginning... : After playing 2 years (07-08) in Indy Ball between my minor league stints with the Chicago Cubs and Oakland A's I realized how a lot of affiliated players know nothing about Independent Baseball. During those 2 seasons I played for 5 Indy Teams in 3 of the top Indy League so I got a real good sense of the leagues, cities, level of play, how things worked, and I made some quality connections. So in doing so I realized that I wanted to help friends, ex teammates or opponents with continuing their careers in indy ball and tried helping them get hooked up with good organizations or I gave them my opinions on places or people from my experiences. It started with the Fort Worth Cats then with Grand Prairie AirHogs then with Laredo Lemurs and then with the Long Island Ducks before I was actually given a title/role as Assistant Director of Player Personnel with the Somerset Patriots last season. It started out helping players into I realized I can help find, contact and sign players for the teams I was playing for to strengthen them and to make the team better so I did and I had a lot of success by doing so before I finally was given a title for it. So with those beginning years of experience working with the managers and GM's of the teams I played for on the side, I definitely got to learn the front office side of things and still was able to play myself. So with the success and experience I was gaining i realized that it was something I really enjoyed doing and wanted to pursue it. I notified Brett Jodie (manager) and Patrick McVerry (GM) of Somerset before last season about a possible opportunity and they were both all for it.
On Learning The Ropes: This is technically my 5th season doing this, but only 2nd with a title to show for. I guess you can say that my first 3 seasons doing it was my "experimental days". And during those 3 seasons helping my teams: Fort Worth Cats (2008), Grand Prairie AirHogs (2011), Laredo Lemurs (2012) and Long Island Ducks (2012)...their were 4 Division Titles and 2 Championships. So with the success definitely brought confidence. And with last year finally getting a title to show for, i knew that now i got my foot in the door and just had to prove myself, which I believe i did or else the team wouldn't have had the success it had and I wouldn't have received the promotion to Director of Player Personnel a year later.
Working with Players: From the the owner down to the fans, the setup and atmosphere that is created from top to bottom gives the players the best chance to have success on the field and to be as comfortable as possible off the field. All i do is open the players eyes to the experience and opportunities that the Somerset Patriots can provide to them and their careers. The player of course has to do their part on the field, too.
Forward Thinking: As the seasons pass, I definitely understand my playing days are getting closer and closer to an end, but that's something I don't really think about. I want to keep playing as long as i physically can, but when that day comes when i have to "hang em up", i know that i will have the experience and success under my belt to continue working in the front office along with possibly becoming a pitching coach. After that, who knows maybe I will want to become a manager or GM, but those are things that in time will tell. I'm just very happy for my opportunities now and the direction things are going for me and my careers.
Straight Talk: I think the experience of doing it on the side for three years, learning the business, creating connections over the years with players/coaches/front office execs, and being straightforward has helped my success. i am a player myself, so I know I wouldn't want to be misled or lied to so when I talk to players that i know or don't know to sign and play for Somerset, I treat and talk to them the way I would want to be talked to and treated. being straight forward about roles or salary (whether the player likes it or not) is much more respected than being misleading or uninformative. so I speak "straight-up" and am very detailed and thorough when speaking to players. the players were very talented that I helped bring in so I definitely have to thank them for trusting me to sign with Somerset and their efforts on the field. We at Somerset believe that to have success you need to have chemistry amongst the team and so we look for great clubhouse guys and great players second. so far its been a great ride and I'm excited to see what the future has to bring!
The MLB Top 100 Prospects has gotten bigger in excitement value. Social media is a big part of the reason, as well as MLB Network televising and paying so much attention to the unveiling. It's gotten...funner (heyyyy).
After watching it closely like so many fans and pros, here are the players that I've seen through the years, and my thoughts on their progress.
Travis d'Arnaud, C, Mets, Ranked #22- He does many things well, but that mental fortitude and defensive-mindedness are what makes him so valuable. With the injuries he's faced, his high placement should tell you everything you need to know. He's that good. His performance in the Eastern League was illuminating. No catcher in the league, and no catching prospect in baseball has his level of ability. While still in the Blue Jays organization, he hit .311, knocked in 78 runs, with 33 walks, and 21 home runs with the New Hampshire Fisher Cats of the Eastern League. His even-tempered, steely focus is the stuff teams catcher dreams are made of.
Jesse Biddle, LHP, Phillies, Ranked #53- Location of all his pitches, the ability to mix it up, and the whiffs he induced stood out in his Eastern League debut in 2013. Controlling his fastball and trusting his stuff will be crucial to his development. When I saw him pitch for Reading against the Trenton Thunder, he dominated with excellent pitch sequences and command of his fastball, which he consistently threw for strikes. The walks are a problem (82 in 2013), and he'll need to lower them to lessen the damage as he advances. His size (6'4") and maturity add to his value. And that maturity (see 'teachable') adds to his ability to fine-tune the weapons.
Casey Kelly, RHP, Padres, Ranked #87- Kelly's development was stalled due to Tommy John surgery in 2013, but he's expected to be in the big leagues in 2014 after making his debut in 2012. BIG, ATHLETIC, are words that come to mind when recalling seeing him in the EL. He had a tremendous sinking fastball, thrown heavy and in the low to mid nineties. Still with the Red Sox (before being part of a trade for Adrian Gonzalez) he struck out 81 in 95 innings for the Portland Sea Dogs. If ever the Padres needed Kelly to come through, after going 76-86 in 2013, it's now.
Taylor Guerrieri, RHP, Rays, Ranked #94- With Tommy John surgery and a recent suspension for testing positive for a banned substance (NOT steroid-related), 2013 didn't end well and 2014 is off to a challenging start. But setting that aside, Guerrieri is the best prospect I saw in the New York Penn League. Period. Yes, there were other top ranked prospects, recent top draftees that made a strong impression in their short- season A-Ball debut, but it was his improvement with each start in 2012 that was so impressive. In his professional debut season, he showed an ability to adjust quickly, and within that short span of playing time, there was a noted difference in how he handled himself on the mound. His maturity level, command, and mound composure just got better and better. By season's end, and the Hudson Valley Renegades won the league title, he was ready for the next level. With Bowling Green last year, he posted a 2.31 ERA with 51 strikeouts in 67 innings. He also continued to keep the free passes to a minimum: 12 in 14 starts for the Hot Rods last year, and while with the Rengades he allowed just FIVE in 12 starts, 52 innings pitched.
The Durham Bulls are in the process of creating a brand new experience for their already loyal fans.
Make no mistake, come Opening Day on April 3rd, the Rays Triple-A affiliate will be ready to unveil the new Durham Bulls Athletic Park. Add to that, some parts of the renovation are still underway, as well as improvements that fans were hoping for.
Scott Carter, Bulls Director of Marketing, had this to say about the project:
On What's Left: The biggest project to be completed is the construction of the new PNC Triangle Club. It’s a completely new structure, so there was a lot of demo that had to be done to prep the area. The entire Club level is seeing the most work, so the majority of the remaining construction is up there.
Challenges Along The Way: The largest challenge is simply the scope of the project. Literally every part of the ballpark is getting touched in some way, so there’s work being done everywhere. We could have done the renovations in phases over several years, but with the Triple-A All-Star Game here this season, we wanted to make sure the stadium was ready for the national spotlight in a big way.
The Fans: The DBAP was already one of the nicest ballparks in the country, and we think we’re really just polishing a diamond. The new videoboards and Triangle Club will be easily noticed, but there’s a lot being done to improve concessions throughout the stadium as well. New themed areas, additional picnic space, more points of sale. We’ve listened to fan feedback over the years and we needed to make improvements with food service. Those won’t be the flashiest changes, but certainly fans will be excited about better food quality and selection and faster service.
Once in awhile I veer off the minor league baseball direction to write something broader or more personal here. This time, I decided to take on a story that's being talked about a lot the twenty-four hours.
In a piece for the New York Times this week, journalist Amy Wallace explores the abusive treatment female reporters endure from readers, via message board and other media outlets. She also adds colleagues to that mix and the different struggles women experience in the industry.
In sports, the last truly male-dominated frontier, women are subjected to this more likely than in other industries. We are surrounded. Locker room, press box, sports departments, they're all mostly male.
Earlier this week, Erin Andrews interview with a football player made the rounds and Twitter exploded. He'd gone off the rails in the eyes of viewers, but her reaction was just as talked about. Most gave her tremendous support and made fun of him, not her. But others used it as another reason to criticize or focus on her looks, her ability, and make her out to be a scared (direct comment to her) little girl, unable to handle the big guys.
In addition, this week, I finished reading 'We Killed', a history of women in comedy, by Yael Kohen. I underlined a million things that were as familiar to me in baseball. Comedy, like baseball, is historically a male-driven business. Women have to be tough enough, sharp enough, and literally in comedy, have a healthy sense of humor that deflects the nonsense that has nothing to do with talent or ability.
That brings me to my point.
In the piece, Wallace explains why the "vitriol" is important to pay attention to.
..."it seeks to intimidate and, ultimately, to silence female journalists who write about controversial topics."
The only issue I have with this? We can't be silenced. To suggest women can't take the heat that's been on us since we kicked through press and locker room doors is a mislead. We aren't going to be silenced by some dude tapping away on his computer calling us whores (I've gotten that one on my blog as well) and laughing about how incapable we are as women. Last I checked message boards and social media outlets don't employ these people for opinions.
The story is titled 'Life as a Female Journalist: Hot or Not?" I'm not sure if Wallace is the author of that part or if that was up to the editorial team, but I'll answer. If, by hot, that means it's fun and exciting and interesting and my passion, and, I assume, every journalist's passion, then yes, it's pretty hot. But to sum it up in a few words wouldn't be looking at the whole picture. Some days aren't hot. There's all the typical stuff, comments about gender or looks or ability. That comes and it goes. And guess what? I'm still here. I'm not silenced. I can't be.
There are likely moments where all of us have felt the desire to run for the hills. I've been there. But what's important to clarify, and it's the reason I wrote this, is that we cannot attach ourselves to those words, comments, and sexist thinking. That is not important to our lives or our careers. It changes nothing. If you want to do this with your life, do it and do your job well. That's all you have control over. And, ultimately, what will lead you to wherever it is that you're going in your career. Don't get me wrong. There are still editors and employers that don't hire women as much as they should, or are more interested in a quota. But, again, we continue. Just as every woman before us has.
Is it possible that editors are influenced by the largely male readership of the sports section? Of course. But sports editors aren't reading those comments and deciding anything about us.
Wallace makes a great point, which is the bottom line, and that's that male journalists are ripped apart, but not their bodies. You could argue that. Male journalists are called fat or made fun of for some part of their appearance. I've read it. But there is a deeper, sexual attack that is reserved just for women. It can be scary or stomach-turning, no doubt about it.
There are moments we can't just shrug and keep keeping on. Times when we need to report and expose behavior. I encourage you to do that if you're a journalist or in any industry. Discrimination is against the law. So, no, you do not have to be silent, not about anything, at any moment.
But if you're choosing to do this with your life, understand, your gender and appearance will be commented on by the millions of people that have Twitter or scour message boards for ways to express there knuckle-dragging, confidence-boosting bile. It's an easy target for that part of the uninspired part of the population.
They can drag those knuckles while I'm over here doing my job, getting paid, and doing what they aren't. No woman will be silenced if she doesn't want to be. We can't be intimidated unless we allow it. Speak the hell up, hold your head high and ignore, whatever road you choose to take, either way, you keep going.
Every woman that's come before us handled the heathens and we can do it with a lot more ease than they did. And we have plenty of backup these days. The flip side is, sexist jerks will always exist as they always have. They too will not be fully silenced. We can block them, ignore them, and, if they're our colleagues, we can report them immediately. But they'll still think what they think. And it's not about us. So look at it with detachment. Because those small-minded people can't take your job or your ability to do it.
Moment by moment, choose how you want to invest your energy. Make small, smart choices that will make your life and career 'hotter': block abusers on Twitter, report comments on your stories (there's usually message board rules about those things), deliberately ignore the disgusting or mean-spirited guys commenting on your stories, but reach out happily to those that ask you questions, value your work, and generally debate in a positive, fair way. I've learned to do that last one, and you immediately feel more positive about your work and your relationship with readers. And, you know what? Sometimes, take 'em on. I've done that too. Whether it's a colleague telling me 'You don't look like a baseball writer' (I proceeded to taunt him the entire rest of the game until he did nothing but laugh nervously and say nothing), or players randomly questioning or teasing me (I don't mind being straightforward and snarky with those guys or act like I don't hear them), I have taken them on in a direct way that also made me feel really good.
So, finally, regarding those message board comments, my question- and I would've liked to have made it the title but I resisted- is this: Who gives a sh**?
"It's an exquisite suspension of all things mundane, in which nothing matters but living in that particular instant." ~ Susan Casey, 'The Wave'
"It's all about where your mind's at." ~ Kelly Slater
In the ocean, or on the mound, Lenny Linsky understands the importance of quieting the mind in order to be present.
Surfing gave the Tampa Bay Rays prospect access to spiritual guidance that, when applied to other areas, including baseball, led to his feeling transformed.
"The mental side is what really [led me to it]," Linsky said Thursday. "I wanted to grow more connected to the ocean when I moved to Hawaii, because the ocean has been a part of my entire life."
Growing up in California, in an area known as South Bay located in Los Angeles, near Santa Monica Bay, he was surrounded by water. He spent his childhood on the beach with his parents, developing his love for the nearness of water, as his baseball aspirations also grew.
"I didn't start actually surfing until about four or five years ago. It was a different way to appreciate the ocean."
It started with the Hawaii move. After participating in a showcase there, he received a scholarship offer to attend the University of Hawaii, he gravitated even more to beach life. In a place where surfing is a way of life for many, Linsky felt the pull.
"I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to play baseball in Hawaii. It's such a natural perfect place. My mind was opened."
Drafted in the second round of the 2011 MLB Draft, the righty spent all of 2013 in High-A Charlotte, finishing with a 3.22 ERA with fifty two strikeouts in seventy two innings for the Stone Crabs.
With his baseball career progressing, he started to feel a different pull. He realized that the risks of being on that board in the ocean had gotten too high. His concerns were in line with the Rays. He let go of his hobby, in order to properly focus his energy on his profession.
"Those guys get torn labrums and things like that, and I need to stay in step. Baseball is what's more important. I made the decision to hold off. After my career, hopefully, I can surf another forty years."
A clear, singular mind is part of what he gained in pursuing the hobby. And, despite moving away from it for the time being, the principles of surfing continue to have a strong positive influence on his life and career.
"It really taught me patience. Some days there are no waves, and you're waiting and waiting, or you keep falling out there. That patience has translated to my life and to playing baseball."
This winter he focused on strengthening his core and conditioning, areas he knew needed some work.
"My core needed to be better. And I'm not known for being a long distance runner, but I feel I've improved a lot and gained longevity."
As he prepares for Spring Training in just a few weeks, he reflects on the meaning of surfing, and being close to the water, considering it as much a part of him as baseball.
Tommy Phelps will return to his role as Trenton Thunder pitching coach for 2014, marking his sixth year in the role. Phelps helped lead the Double-A Yankees club to an Eastern League title in 2013, along with returning manager Tony Franklin.
Here's what he had to say when reached today about being back with the club, and the 2013 season.
I really like coaching in Trenton. I couldn't ask for a better skipper to coach with than Tony Franklin.
The Yankee organization is great to work for. I have family in the area and enjoy the competition at the Double-A level.
[The 2013 season] What a lot of fun. We overcame some injuries and gelled as a team at the right time. On his pitchers: It was a complete effort by the whole staff. Our starters always llft the game with a chance to win, and the bullpen did a great job preserving the wins throughout. I think we only lost one game when we led after the sixth inning all season.
This is the first installment by a guest writer in the 'Stepping Up' series, which began with my own personal story. The idea for this series was to show how baseball inspired a person's life and/or career. It's to give people a voice about a life-changing moment and overcoming adversity through the power of America's Pastime. Baseball became my voice and I realized that there was a far deeper way for me to express that, and also allow others to do the same.
Jacob Garcia created the website 'Mariners 360' and currently writes for 'Best Coast Baseball.' You can follow him on Twitter at @JakeFG.
Here's his story.
I didn't exactly have an ideal upbringing, mostly because for a good portion of that upbringing I was in a hospital. I was born with a rare lung disease (Children's Interstitial Lung Disease, or chILD) that, from age 1 to age 7, forced me to stay in my hospital room or in my bubble boy-esque house. Since I was usually in the hospital, I didn't really get to see much baseball. When the games were on my TV, I would probably be focused on some type of video game or something else going on. I didn't really get “invested” in the game until I was a bit older than the typical “Little Leaguer”.
In 2003, at a little over 7 years of age, I was finally able to celebrate my birthday at home for the first time in years. This was because I was put on supplemental oxygen and, as odd as it may sound, it profoundly affected my life in a plethora of good ways. It wasn't until the next year that I was introduced to the game by a family friend.
He coached a little league team and we (the friend, my parents and myself) decided that getting me into some type of sport would teach me how to be a part of a team and what it's like to be a “regular” kid. The latter, of course, being my reasoning.
I was slightly hesitant at first, just as any other kid would be. I thought to myself: “Pssh, how hard can eight year old kids throw?”, I learned very quickly just how hard they can throw. And hit. By the time our fifth game rolled around, I was finally given my first start of the season. The second I ran on the field for the first inning and really took it all in, I was hooked. By the end of the year, I'd be fully engaged with every aspect of the game.
My first full year of playing ball in my local little league, at 12, would prove to be my most difficult. I started off the year like any other kid – I participated in tryouts, I practiced with my team and I played the game. Sounds pretty great, right? Well, it was until my first double header of the season and I was excited as I could be. My parents had just given me $10 so I could buy anything I wanted from the concession stands. Life was pretty good for me that day. Until I took the field.
I had played about 1 1/3 innings before I came up to bat. When I did, the umpire stepped out from behind the plate, glanced at me then my oxygen tank with a cold stare and turned to the score keepers box...and with a monotone, seemingly uncaring voice announced “number 7, ejected”. I was number 7. I caught myself with my jaw on the ground as my manager came out to get an explanation. He fought for me, even getting himself ejected. I had to be dragged into the dugout and I stayed there for the remainder of the two games.
It was a weird feeling...being banned from the game I love because of something I couldn't control.
You see, once Little League headquarters caught wind of the situation, they instantly banned me from playing and practicing until they could review my case. This could have taken until June...of the next year. I wasn't sure how to handle myself. I didn't know if I wanted to speak out and put up a fight or let the system take its time. My life was in the air. My future of playing ball in jeopardy.
It wasn't until the following Tuesday, my next scheduled practice, that my coaches told me to come down to practice. I wasn't allowed to participate in team activities - my parents were warned that I could not even step foot on the fields,practice or otherwise. But my teammates wondered where I was, and my coach wanted to talk to me, personally, so we went to the field. Damned be the fearful.
After the coaches finally managed to pull me away from the guys and my mom away from the other parents, they told us one of the assistant coaches on our team had contacted a local media source. And that was when the figurative excrement hit the fan.
Within a matter of hours, my home phone was ringing off the hook. We were getting calls from all of the local media outlets and within a day, my story was running on the top headlines of CNN and MSNBC. During the games I missed, I kept score and spent time working in the concession stands when my team wasn't playing. It was almost sickening watching these kids I had practiced with all preseason getting to play, while I had to sit back and watch because of my lung disease. I was, once again, being held back because of this disease. I felt an irrepressible anger toward everything. But, that all changed very soon...
I missed exactly three games before they (Little League HQ) decided I was “okay to play” and that my tank “posed no actual harm”. After hearing the story, friends, family and total strangers overwhelmed their emails and, at one point, crashed the LL computer system. They had to literally rewrite the rulebook so I could play, without having to face the same type of issues in future seasons. Not only did I make it possible for me to play, I made it possible for any kid on oxygen to play ball. It was an incredible feeling. My emotions had been put on a roller coaster but they made it through...just barely.
By my junior year, I decided that playing ball wasn't going to be a part of my future. My talent level wasn't matching the other guys out there so, I called it quits. Hung up my cleats and walked away. Little did I know, the game itself would still VERY much remain in my cards.
That’s when my personal life started to take a turn for a worse. As with most kids who were raised in hospitals and were consistently told they were going to die soon, I suffered from clinical depression. It didn’t help that I had (and still battle with to this day) social anxiety. I usually had baseball to help keep me from, well, myself. But once that was gone, I didn’t have an outlet anymore. Just like that, my life was (seemingly) meaningless. I was in therapy for about 10 months before I could even begin to see a change.
Right when I saw myself starting that turn for the better, the worst of the worst struck me. My grandmother had been in the hospital for a few days for reasons unknown to me. By her third day, I finally worked up the courage to visit her. We had a great relationship and I could always go to her for anything. She had helped raise me, and she listened to me. Always. When my mom was driving me to the hospital, she thought that it would be best the time to tell me. She had cancer. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t. I held out hope that the doctors were wrong. I visited with her, we laughed and spent the day with her. The next day, her doctor came in and broke the news. She did, in fact, have liver cancer. He also told the three of us that the cancer couldn’t be fought, as it was too far along. Right then and there, it felt like my heart shattered and I had been sucker punched in the stomach. We spent each and every day (and some nights) with her until the night she passed away.
I needed a new outlet. I couldn’t play ball anymore so that option was off the table. But, after a little bit of fiddling around, a light bulb went off: “I annoy everyone when I start talking about baseball, why not just start writing about it?”. Before long, I was writing posts and getting an idea of what it took to actually be a writer.
I titled the blog “Mariners 360” (as I was writing about my hometown team, the Seattle Mariners) and simply started putting down my thoughts about the team. In all honesty, it was pretty terrible. I didn’t like how it looked, how it read - anything. So, I reached out to other writers and asked them: “what do you think I should change about my site?” More often than not, I received valuable feedback. It led me to completely re-design the site, the format of my posts...just about everything. With the help of some friends, I had a brand new site on my hands.
Once version 2.0 of the site came out, everything changed. I started really pushing social media. Using my own personal Twitter and Facebook accounts, as well as the Twitter account I made for M360. After a while, I started getting support from some local writers who helped me grow as a writer myself and, occasionally, as a person. I saw myself change from this shy kid who really didn’t want anything to do with socialization and wasn’t too keen on seeing the bright side of things, to someone who openly reached out to others and was happily watching his world be flipped upside down.All in all, baseball has been a north star of sorts for me. It’s kept me sane when I’ve felt like completely imploding. There have been times where I’ve felt like throwing out everything I’ve ever known, but the one thing that has remained consistent is baseball. There are some imperceptible things in life that I hold so sacred. A beloved feeling toward an ages-old game may seem odd to others, but it’s one of the few things that has kept my feet on the ground. Honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
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