At 25, pitcher Matt Hirsh faced a harsh reality: the business of baseball can be brutal.
"Baseball is a business, and just like any business there are going to be people who lie to you," he said in an e-mail last week.
After being released from the Colorado Rockies, the minor leaguer felt he reached the end of the road. But he also felt there were things he wasn't given the straight story on. As hard as he worked, Hirsh believes he may not have been given a genuine opportunity to develop.
He began his career with the Astros, a 30th round pick in 2005.
"I started in the bullpen and struggled a little bit. They moved me to a starting role and I flourished."
He experienced a few rough moments at the end of the season, failing to get in more than three innings in his last two starts. Hirsh still felt confident.
"I felt I was developing pretty well," he said.
But he was sent straight to extended spring training the following year and was released a week before the draft.
"Needless to say, I don't think I was given a fair shot," Hirsh said. "I never really had an opportunity to play for the Astros."
In 2006 he was with the Cardinals. He knew he had something to prove.
"I had to earn my spot since I was a free agent," he said. "I only lasted two weeks at training camp before they released me."
The Cardinals told Hirsh that his velocity wasn't where they wanted it and he was forced to move on again. His time in the Rockies system began hopeful enough. They asked him whether he preferred to be a starter or reliever.
"I survived the first round of releases,' he said. "But fell victim on the last day of spring training to the final round of cuts."
The difficulties he had at times certainly played a part, but Hirsh also feels that the Astros and Cardinals could have communicated more honestly with him.
"I was told certain things that I believed to be true but in essence weren't," he said. "One example I can give was from the Astros. I was told if I signed I would get an equal opportunity to advance in the system. After my first season I had learned a lot and was excited to vie for a spot on a full season team the following year."
But Hirsh's excitement and willingness to learn were met with a decision that the Astros mailed in.
"I received a letter in the mail about a month before spring training saying that I was to report straight to extended spring training. Confused, I called the pitching coordinator and he told me that I could attend regular spring training if I wanted to but had to pay for everything [including] a hotel and food.
Hirsh was, however, given a reason.
"He told me there was too many guys going out for full season teams, so that's why they sent me to extended," he said.
There was a lot of confusion, perhaps. Maybe there were details the Astros didn't feel they could or needed to share with Hirsh. It's not clear what their intentions were, but he feels that the dishonesty went deep.
"Another lie I was told was earlier this year when I was trying to play with the Long Beach Armada. I basically made the team out of spring training but didn't really get to play," he said.
"I was told I wouldn't be going on the first road trip of the year but that I would have a roster spot when the team returned. After they returned I still didn't have a roster spot before they left for the next road trip. I was led on like this for about a month and a half before I finally got a shot, but getting on the team was the toughest part and being lied to wasn't any fun."
Baseball players learn early how to handle winning and losing and the art of quickly bouncing back. Maybe it's not an art at all, but rather a reflex that gets stronger as it's used year after year. Telling a player he stinks or why there's no place for him has to be tough work. But Hirsh insists that reflex would've withstood the pain of hearing the truth. It was hearing the truth that mattered most.
"I don't understand why teams have to lie when they release you. If I get released I want to know why. I don't want a cookie cutter answer that they tell everybody. That doesn't make me a better player."
He tips his cap to the Rockies for at least giving him the facts.
"They did tell me why I was released, but the Astros and Cardinals skated around it and gave me the runaround," he said.
"The general reason is 'we just don't have a spot for you' which is true, but not a good enough answer in my book. The Astros actually told me that they didn't see me as a prospect; after one season in rookie ball," he said.
"Apparently they can judge prospect status based on one season in rookie ball. I don't buy it for a second. But that's neither here nor there."
Surely his story is one that's played out many times, but the game is changing drastically and has been for the past few years. Steven Strasburg, the top draft pick in all of baseball in 2009, signed a $15.1 million dollar contract with the Nationals.
If you're playing for a small market team (or a team with little hope such as the Nats), maybe your chances are better. They might put the time into developing a guy with a lot of potential, knowing they don't have the means to compete for a top player.
But as Hirsh pointed out, it's business. Business gets complicated.
"I think money is a key driving factor in the development of a minor leaguer. Sad as it is to say, the more money an organization gives you, the faster you will move through the system," he said.
"It's not true for everyone who gets a lot of money but I would say it happens for a majority of them. If an organization doesn't have any money in you then you better have a breakout season or consistently put up numbers to get seen."
Funny enough, Hirsh envisions himself possibly returning to baseball on the business side.
"Eventually, I would like to work for a big league team doing some kind of marketing or possibly media relations. My options are still open at this point but I think it's safe to say that I'd like to be working in the sports industry in one form or another. Sports are a part of my life and I'd like to stay in it as long as I possibly can," he said.
The reflex to bounce back is still there, so too is the feeling for a sport he's played all his life. The business couldn't kill that.
"My love for the game hasn't changed."